1. "In the warderobe, quick!" Because jumping out to scare your friends is funny at any age.
2. "It's not me, it's you" Because sometimes a bad date needs to know the truth.
3. "I'm not wearing any knickers." Even if you are. Men's reactions are hilarious. Weirdos.
4. "Don't you know who I am?" Because there's a tiny chance they might actually think you're famous.
5. "I'm so sorry I never called..." When you run into a guy who didn't call you.
6. "I WON!" Whether it's millions on the lottery or first prize at karaoke, every woman should taste victory once.
7. "I'll send my car to pick you up." We want to say this when we're 55 - to a hot date who's 25
8. "I don't care if peope are watching." Want to snog his face off at the theatre? Go for it.
9. "Thanks, I build it myself." Your dream house or an ikea coffiee table: major kudos.
10. "I'll get my people to call your people." Usually uttered by the Hollywood set - but far funnier said dedpan to your best mate.
11. "He's not my usual type, but..." You don't know it yet, but you'll probably end up marrying him.
12. "I'll have the lobster" Double cool points if you're paying the bill yourself.
13. "What are you doing down there?" Some men need a little directions in bed. Others need Very. Clear. Instructions.
14. "Cut it however you like." Your stylist will love you, you'll feel super brave - and it will grow back.
15. "Are you sure this is cooked properly?" Shortly before you come down with food poisoning. In future, you'll trust your instincts.
16. "Life's too short to stuff a mushroom." Why be a domestic goddess when you could be out having fun? Ditto making your own pastry and baking your own bread. Enough!
17. "I love you, but I love me more." The classig Samantha Jones break-up brush-off. Follow with a swift exit, leaving just a whiff of expensive perfume.